Most people had flawed parents growing up, and don’t understand what a parent is supposed to be to a child.  The unrealistic, larger than life, God-like figure that looms in your reality and commands all of your attention when you’re with them.  The boss.  The externalized working memory.  The total other.  Someone who is so aware of your life that you literally don’t think of them as a person.  They don’t talk about themselves or their private lives, so they seem bigger than a human being.  They have no insecurities, doubts, or anxieties.

If anybody did recognize that, there’s a 90% chance (in our culture) they have a flawed relationship with it.  One of the ways to get there is to be critical and judgmental.  People naturally defer to someone who seems to know the rules and calls you out when you’re fucking up.  But they’re also suspicious of it.  If you are a leader, the self-image of the people beneath you will become intertwined with your estimation of them.  They will become heavily invested in your opinion and favor.  If you are this kind of leader, people will follow you, but they will only become so invested in your opinion after it becomes obvious that they can’t change it.

It ain’t the only way though.  You can support the people beneath you.  Prop them up.  Win the bees with honey instead of vinegar.  Realize that nobody tolerates hostile leadership for long, but everyone wants benevolent leadership as a deep and fundamental demand of their psyche.  Someone who will tell them how to do things, tell them what to do, compliment them on what they do well, and actually be concerned about their well-being.  Someone who cares. Fewer people than ever have had a single figure in their life like this.  If your parents don’t do it, who else will?  Well, for 99.9% of women, the answer is a man.  Every man in America would do pretty well to drop their shit, figure out who this guy is, and become him immediately.  Why fuck around any longer?


One comment on “Adult

  1. […] is more than that.  It is acting as a personification of someone else’s superego, the externalized working memory.  It is an art, and it requires a higher level of consciousness.  It requires you to infer the […]

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