In the early stages of game, most men are fixated on the question of what to do or say in order to win success with women. But one of the most important things you can learn early on is that these are the wrong questions to be asking in the first place. Why? Because what you say only accounts for 10% of your actual success. There are two sides of real communication, and the content of your interaction is only a fractional part of it. Beyond content, there is context, which informs how that content is interpreted by giving people cues about who you are and how to treat you. It may be fair to say that game is nothing more than the manipulation of how people interpret your words and actions: saying the same shit in different ways to suggest that you are a source of value instead of a social liability.
Fortunately, there is already a classic game concept to describe this phenomenon. It is the concept of frame, and it is the single most foundational idea in social dynamics. What does a woman want? She wants joy, she wants love, she wants emotional novelty. But more than anything, she wants to play a specific role, burned into her mind in youth, that nobody allows her to play. It is different for every woman, and your job is to figure her out and give her the opportunity to be herself. To become a man with whom she can be herself. And this requires both the insight to read her and the ability to craft a frame from the emotionless void of casual conversation. It is a fundamentally creative act and you will be unstoppable when you’ve mastered it.
This is the sheer and undeniable genius of the female mind at work. Women see the world in shades of gray when it is really black and white, but men see the world in black and white when there are really shades of gray. A boorish woman will rationalize that a man is threatened by a strong woman when in reality the man is just not attracted to her. But a man will determine that a woman is rejecting him, when really there are a hundred reasons she did not return his call! Did she take too long to respond to a text? How do you know she wasn’t driving? How do you know she wasn’t mid-conversation? It is crippling to interpret rejection where there is none, but most men refuse to think creatively when presented with complex human action. Considering that being emotionally threatened by a woman is the fount of 90% of beta behavior, nothing could be more important than interpreting reality in a way that affirms your status. These are only 10% of the benefits that come from hamster-like thinking and the ability to create your own frame, though.
I will say AGAIN that Julien’s drama game has legitimately changed my life. At heart, it revolves around the deliberate and reckless assumption of a fearlessly emotional frame. This is liberating enough in itself, because 99% of men communicate in a way that minimizes emotionality and drama, and especially limits their personal vulnerability. But expressing even vulnerable emotions — pain, sadness, jealousy, anger — from a position of confidence can actually serve to strengthen emotional bonds and demonstrate your willingness to make emotional demands on others — an extremely alpha trait that is extremely difficult to achieve. To a woman, this is like crack cocaine.
The manipulation of frame can be as simple as playing a game. I stumbled into a random party this weekend. Before going inside, I worked the crowd of 20 or 30 people in the backyard, greeted the people I knew, laughed and drank. Ended up by the doorway, saw a cutie heading inside with a group. Told them to go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, then stopped her and said, “Hey, wait — who do you know in there?” “Oh I don’t know…i’m just with my friends…is that okay? Can I still go inside?” Told her, “Yeah, you’re okay, go ahead just don’t dance on the tables or break anything.” She came back out 10 minutes later. Stopped her and said, “Hey, wait — who do you know out here?” She cracked up. Flirted for a while, told her I didn’t even live there and got that “what the fuck!”/playful shove. The point isn’t what was said. It’s just some dumb shit I did for 10 minutes one time. The point is that I invented roles for both of us to play, and got her to play along. And in every social interaction, the person with higher status sets the frame for both of you.
Take it one step farther. I went inside myself and found out it was my ex-girlfriend’s birthday party. Asked her best friend, who still hates me, if she was going to kick me out. She said yes. I said, “Whatever, I was here first. Actually, you’ve got to leave Catie. I’m kicking you out. All right, let’s go. Come with me.” Ended up hitting on her and now she doesn’t hate me anymore — probably because 90% of the time a girl hates you it’s because you threaten her self-image. Saw my ex, who I haven’t seen since she dumped me over 2 years ago. Told her, “Hey, you look great and I want to formally apologize for being such a dick to you. Happy Birthday.” Was I a dick to her? No. But I set the frame that I was apologizing to her, and that means I had the upper hand. She accepted it and responded accordingly. She was now the one who lost me.
Take it one step farther. I was there with another girl I met at the previous party. Looked bored/ chilled with her while my ex stared on. Ex gave proximity numerous times, kept making eye contact. Ignored her and left the party. Sent her a Facebook message the next day saying, “Happy Birthday I’m glad I saw you, I was bummed that you didn’t want to talk but whatever, that’s all history now so oh well.” Now there’s a frame of emotional conflict. Now we’re two people with a complicated past who don’t know how they feel about each other (which is true.) Would that be the case if I simply followed her cues and accepted the frame she gave me? No. We would be two people who knew each other 2 years ago who are now having a conversation about work and school. I created the frame between the two of us, and that’s the difference between nothing and something.
So take it one step farther still: This isn’t limited to interactions with females. It informs your entire fucking life. When you go to work, you accept your employer’s frame. When you go to the same bars because “that’s where people go”, you accept a frame. When you went to college to study what they taught you, hoping for a job, to go down an established path, you accepted a frame. Every time you follow the steps set out for you by other people’s experience and prescriptions, and look to the past for cues instead of engaging reality in a novel and spontaneous way, you are accepting a frame. Success isn’t a reward for going through the right motions. It’s something you create for yourself by looking at nothing and building a frame. It is a fundamentally creative act, and now more than ever it is a necessity if you want to be successful at anything.